Impostor in disguise

Sometimes I do things quick and dirty because I feel trapped in a tight-knit family dress and believe that jumping ahead of myself is the best way forward. Many parents, or otherwise busy people, easily get into the habit of rushing their tasks, fearing not being able to finish and manifest what they really dream of. I am in Spain now and my husband and son are at the beach for two weeks, leaving me completely alone in our new flat. It should be the perfect time to get things done, and I even do get things done, and everything looks FINE. But what the heck is going on inside of me? I find myself looking up business advice, counselling sessions, tarot readers, well, simply the full range of self-improvement tools for spiritual business owners. But as I scroll and scroll and scroll, I realise that I am caught up in a very unhelpful pattern.

I have already attended numerous courses in astrology and energy healing. I have polished my website, included a scheduling tool with available times, finalised a Patreon page, and even started a NEW YouTube channel (click here if curious) where I can embody the professional astrologer, starting on a clean slate, now that I have shed the skin of my so called “old life”. I realise that all of my weird behaviour is not rooted in a lack of preparation, but that it is a slice of impostor in disguise. The Numinous Spirit Press gave me really nice cards in the Rise’n’Shine Tarot Spread. In the position of what I need to clarify about my ambition to rise and shine, I got XIII Death and the Child. It tells me that I am no longer stuck, I have made the changes I wanted to make, and I have been brave and skilful. It is just about giving myself some time combusting old energy webs and giving my astrology baby space to breathe!

Connecting the dots

Usually the headlines for my blogposts evolve as I type. For this entry I looked at the tarot card in focus and thought of the heaven above with all its dots and knew exactly what the reflection would be about. Each dot in the sky itself does not make a lot of sense, but as we learn to look at the bigger picture everything gets so much clearer. My wish to create my own income as an astrologer is not meaningful in isolation, but it makes a lot of sense in the context of my path up until now. I have been seeking a lifestyle that allows for daily spiritual dedication, I have been looking for a way to make my sensitivity useful to other people without having to sacrifice my power, and I have been and will be an eternal student, which invites me to being self-employed and constantly enhancing my skill set. It might be trendy to be an astrologer, but it is part of the night sky that I occupy and share with everybody else. The Star is my chosen significator card for this month, and I am happy to let it connect the dots in my work-life jigsaw puzzle.

Raven going pink

We made it to Spain and our stuff also made it to Spain, arriving with the moving company only twelve hours after us. Since our arrival, I have been focusing in on the last card in my Reclaim Tarot Spread, the Queen of Wands. If you want to see our new flat, receive some behind the scenes updates, and hear me recap on my tarot practice in more detail, make sure to subscribe to my newsletter. The Queen of Wands occupied the position of the overall guiding energy that would result from the reclamation process that I started after quitting my job in the middle of June. The life changes that I have worked for have created the space around me to finally embody the Queen of Wands fully. She is no longer an aspiration, dream, or idea; I am living her every day. Also, the queen in me, which has always been so earthy and black, now feels ethereal and pink in her expression. The transition from being a black raven to adding pink comes as such a surprise, but I see the change as an actual energy shift taking place. It is easy to get stuck in past assumptions of who we are when we imagine our place of ownership and action. I am happy to be surprised; and if pink is the guiding colour now, I will go for it!

Taken by the faeries

Who the h**l would honk at us
waiting for our turn at a stop sign?? As far as we could see, we had done everything right, and the confrontation with the impatience and rudeness of our species left us in deep shock. However, there was a however to the story, when we discovered the loss of our yellow Kånken backpack some hours later. The last place we had seen it was on the roof of our car. The bag had been involved in an emergency nappy stop amidst the green Irish wetness. Our insights concerning the previous whereabouts of our backpack suddenly explained a lot. So what do you do when you drop the nappy bag that also contains a rain jacket, a fleece, the book of the hungry caterpillar, and the tale of the mole with the poop on his head. You zoom into satellite views on Google maps and spend the next day driving back, talking to people, and leaving your number. I asked the Druidcraft tarot, it answered 7 of Pentacles, showing a cloaked figure cutting a mistletoe. There is a time to sow and a time to cut. We did not find the yellow Kånken but at least we tried. Maybe it was taken by the faeries or perhaps we simply lost a bag. It happens from time to time…

A beautiful compliment

It is a rare event to receive a casual compliment that makes my heart melt. While I had my last coffee with one of my colleagues on my last work day, he remarked that he had no one else in his circles who could break up set thought structures the way I could. To me that appears to be a beautiful ability and even though I have experienced that it can be difficult to be smooth and fit in with this trait, I really, really enjoy that part of my skillset. So today I want to allow myself some humble pride as I am posting this note. The colleague and I took one last picture together at our office – no he is not the squirrel. You can imagine him at my left side where I cut the picture off. Tomorrow my family and I will start our journey south and I am glad and a bit sad to leave my employment behind. Certainly I will not abandon the friendships that I have made during these past six years as a hiking trail coordinator. Thank you /M for having my back during all these years!

Time for reclamation

I am sitting in the café right in front of my office. It is my last day at work and I am essentially going to take one last coffee with a dear colleague and hand in my computer. Picking up my Intuitive Night Goddess Tarot and the Reclaim Oracle I do a “reclaim” tarot spread. The cards tell me that I am in the place of the 2 of Wands, at the threshold to the Ace of Cups, going to reclaim my personal life with XVI Revolution, my relationship life with VIII Strength, and my work life with the Queen of Swords, about to step into the power of the Queen of Wands. The 10 of Wands drops out of the deck telling me to take it easy on myself, amplified by the oracle card Protection. What a beautiful draw. I will have to find ways to make the reclamation real in my life. It is not enough to change the external circumstances such as my address and employment. I will use this spread as a stepping off stone for deep inner work where I explore each one of the cards in its emotional and practical components. I see it coming!

An old fashioned blog

Those nights when the kid wakes you up and you cannot get back to sleep even though it is only 3.30. It is the time when I sit down and reflect on questions such as why I prefer an old fashioned blog instead of posting on the more modern social media. I have tried Facebook , Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube, of which I have enjoyed YouTube the most. On YouTube I have been able to make some real friends who I have visited, whatsapped and zoomed with. But despite the lovely contacts I have made, I do not feel authentic on YouTube, and I do not have the capacity to keep up with all the content, new subscribers, comments and commenting, without burning myself out. The old fashioned blog simply is my own space – no competition, no adds, no spam, no trolls – and whoever wants to come and visit can do so from time to time. I have switched off the comments in order to create a digital place of stillness. If feels good!

Welcome

You have entered the blog section of my website where I post impressions and reflections from my journey as a consulting astrologer, traveller, and spiritual practitioner. Everything I share here is taken from my daily life and is a logbook or scrapbook for myself that I am opening up for you to peep into. If you wish to receive a monthly recorded astrology forecast as well as some behind the scenes updates, please subscribe to my newsletter. Just click on the newsletter tab in the menu, fill in the contact form, and hit subscribe.