Connecting the dots

Usually the headlines for my blogposts evolve as I type. For this entry I looked at the tarot card in focus and thought of the heaven above with all its dots and knew exactly what the reflection would be about. Each dot in the sky itself does not make a lot of sense, but as we learn to look at the bigger picture everything gets so much clearer. My wish to create my own income as an astrologer is not meaningful in isolation, but it makes a lot of sense in the context of my path up until now. I have been seeking a lifestyle that allows for daily spiritual dedication, I have been looking for a way to make my sensitivity useful to other people without having to sacrifice my power, and I have been and will be an eternal student, which invites me to being self-employed and constantly enhancing my skill set. It might be trendy to be an astrologer, but it is part of the night sky that I occupy and share with everybody else. The Star is my chosen significator card for this month, and I am happy to let it connect the dots in my work-life jigsaw puzzle.

Tuning (into) the rainbow

Rainbow cakes taste good all months of the year, my son loves everything colourful, and I feel queer even though straight, proud mum, married, presumptively cis-gendered, maybe a bit on the non-binary side, but it is only so far I can get with myself, exploring all the labels to choose from. In the end I can only be myself and need to work those undissolved awkwardnesses and magical uniquenesses in the few inches of decompressed vacuum space that I have left. Time and time again I feel startled by my desire to belong and the moments when I cannot find a cohesive expression of myself. One day I can go grunge, all flannel, the greyer the better. The next day I get a new tidy sweater in one of the posh shops and an expensive perfume. I am a shapeshifter and it scares me but I find comfort in thinking that this is what energy work is like. Tuning into the spectrum of energies from big waves to tiny waves and back again, able to sense it all, to understand it all, to manipulate it all, and to be it all, like tuning (into) the rainbow.

Swallowed in one piece

My focus card for today was the fourth card in my “reclaim” tarot spread: VIII Strength. Strength showed up to describe the process of reclamation in my relationship life and it feels both very accurate and manilayered in this position. The card tells me to claim some of my energy back by continuously working on firm boundaries while keeping an openness towards compromises. The balance between my and others needs is an issue for anyone of us almost all the time. There is no exhaustive guide to the rights and wrongs in connecting with others, no cheat sheet with the corrects quiz answers to the “getting you”. I want to let Strength remind me that a loss of boundaries is natural in certain situations and moments. Becoming a parent is only one of those life events when the lion swallows us in one piece. Doing the parenting with someone is a complex achievement that can drain us as much as it brings delight. There is no shame in letting boundaries slip and slowly claiming them back.

Just good enough

The smoke detector that went off in the middle of the night was a bit dystopian but apart from that the ambience of our last minute booking radiated the luxury of Christian Grey. After jumping on top of a suitcase, pressing reset, and cuddling back into the sheets with my sleeping mask and earplugs in place, it took some more hours before finding an elaborate printed apology at our doorstep and getting ready for breakfast. Very little alienated we got coffee and we got tea, my dear, and got our toast roasted on both sides. Then hubby carried all our luggage back to the car and in the next step we enjoyed the ride on the left lane, asking ourselves why people plant tight hedges around their crops and pastures that block our view on the pastoral landscape. After finding most of the lunch places in Kettering closed, we got ourselves a DIY tortilla kit at Sainsbury’s and headed off for the playground. I am in the car now, waiting for my turn to play, watching the wardens who are patrolling the parking spaces to get a catch. I am avoiding the card of the day, XVI Revolution, as I am seeking out a trajectory of transition rather than a radical break with the life I am leaving behind. It could be a sign of maturity and perhaps changing country, work situation, language, etcetera, is just good enough to count as a personal revolution already.


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