Rainbow cakes taste good all months of the year, my son loves everything colourful, and I feel queer even though straight, proud mum, married, presumptively cis-gendered, maybe a bit on the non-binary side, but it is only so far I can get with myself, exploring all the labels to choose from. In the end I can only be myself and need to work those undissolved awkwardnesses and magical uniquenesses in the few inches of decompressed vacuum space that I have left. Time and time again I feel startled by my desire to belong and the moments when I cannot find a cohesive expression of myself. One day I can go grunge, all flannel, the greyer the better. The next day I get a new tidy sweater in one of the posh shops and an expensive perfume. I am a shapeshifter and it scares me but I find comfort in thinking that this is what energy work is like. Tuning into the spectrum of energies from big waves to tiny waves and back again, able to sense it all, to understand it all, to manipulate it all, and to be it all, like tuning (into) the rainbow.